Maybe it seems strange to think that changing something is the answer to making life better, easier, or all around more bearable, but I think it might be. I’m not sure if there are any studies on the topic, but there really should be. Changing up your style when times get tough can give you the motivation/ confidence you need to change your life for the better- or just stop caring too much about the people or things that don’t deserve all that time you spend on them.
I can easily say that for a while, I had no idea what I wanted to do in life. It was always a lawyer, then suddenly psychology… but then what? What would I do with a degree in psychology? Was I going to graduate school? How about making more friends and staying in touch with the old? What about all of those exams coming up? Does any of it matter now that I had about a year of lost motivation resulting in less than satisfactory grades? As I sit here writing this, I tear up because I wish I had believed in myself more. I wish I had not lost that motivation to at least do well, even if I didn’t have a particular goal at the time. Now, is it too late? I hope not.
Though I can’t say I was clinically diagnosed, I strongly suspect I have at least mild depression, and social anxiety. Always more comfortable in my room, pleading not to be called on in class or make phone calls; even ordering my food (EVEN in a drive-through!!) was a challenge that usually stumped me. I would forget my name, my answer, my order, everything. I would turn bright red, probably sweat, stutter and have voice breaks. I would avoid confrontation to the point that if someone did something that upset me, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience them by saying anything. Honestly, if I were on the bus and no once pressed the button to stop at my stop, I would probably just get off at the next one even though it was a couple minutes walk further away, just because I won’t want to burden anyone else. Approaching people and initiating conversations was beyond me, as was raising my hand- no matter how sure I was of the answer.
Everything changed about a week ago after I dyed my hair. At first, I didn’t want to bleach the ends- what if it looked bad? So many things could go wrong and I was about to back out again, when I just thought about myself. I was in college, I had my life ahead of me and if this wasn’t the time to play with my looks then what was?? Hair just grows back, right? I brought out the bleach and I bleached the ends (pictures to come later) and I loved the way it looked!
It sounds silly, right? But I’m telling you, it helped me. I stepped out of my comfort zone with my hair (previously untreated, natural, virgin hair). Though it was a small thing, and everything changed for me within a month, or a couple of months, I really feel like I’ve come a lot closer to finding myself and maturing. I’ve found myself approaching people more, stepping out of my comfort zone, initiating conversations with strangers. Overall, I feel like I am more confident, too. I’ve been getting compliments on my hair, on the way I’ve been carrying myself, and today, a boy actually caught up to me to deliver a pickup line (much appreciated, but not a priority at the moment, haha). I’ve figured out what I want to do, and am once again seriously looking into internships and undergraduate jobs. I want to do better. I have once again found a goal and the intrinsic motivation necessary to pursue it. One simple change instilled in me so much more confidence and motivation.
Sometimes, all you need is one small change and and everything else soon falls into place for the better. Things become much clearer, and you’re that much closer to finding yourself and finding your own path in this crazy life.
xoxo, Cat Anne
dazeinthelifeofcat 